Friday, October 24, 2008

Yosemite beat down

Jason Kruk and I made an attempt to free a route on the right side of El Cap. Many days of preparation were followed by a serious wall attempt which included some hauling and 5.10+ X sketchiness. At our highpoint, I found myself staring into a sea of death blocks (or perhaps safe blocks...) pasted in a roof. I just couldn't muster the courage to send, despite the fact that I badly wanted to free that route. On tough scary routes, success hangs in precarious balance. Once that balance was tipped, and the decision to bail was made, we rapped with the bitch haul bags. I was pissed at myself. Basically I knew those blocks were going to make us or break us. I just thought I had the cajones to bust through. But I didn't. And we rapped.

After calling the route off, my motivation has hit rock bottom. It takes alot of psyche to crank up for a route like that. And when it all comes apart, I find myself back at square one, looking for new inspiration.

It's easy to get wrapped up in these climbing projects. It is good to take a step back and realize that Yosemite in the fall is truly beautiful. The leaves are all falling off the trees and in the evenings the walls are ablaze with orange glow. Yesterday I found myself walking around pissed off, head down and brooding. I had to remind myself to lighten up and take climbing for what it is: a chance to do wild things in wild places.